Almost a Year

As Eian’s first birthday approaches, I have to reflect on the journey we’ve all taken over the last year.  I remember this time last year, the waiting.  It reminded me of waiting for my first semester of college, knowing that things were ending and not sure I was ready for the beginning of a new chapter.  Even if it’s not the politically-correct thing to say, I actually dreaded Eian’s birth.  I felt like everything I loved would be taken away – no more time for movies or reading or sewing.  I figured every moment would be spent in his company.  And I was sure he’d scream all the time.  In a way, I’m glad for all this negativity because it helped prepare me for the hell of colic, but in other ways, my imagining of new parenthood was far from accurate.

The first month was like a dream, maybe partly because of the sleep deprivation.  I remember cycles of feeding and sleeping, lingering pain from his birth, and just how surreal it felt to hold a tiny human that was half me.  I didn’t bond with him right away.  At first, I looked at him simply as an endurance test and tried to take it a day at a time.  At first, in those weeks, I loved him because I had to.  I worried constantly about whether he had enough to eat or if the jaundice was gone.  And then there was the hormonal stuff.  I am an extremely even-keeled person, but I would burst into tears over the mysterious workings of the diaper genie.  I remember soaking my aching body in the bathtub and thinking of what it would be like just to slip beneath the surface of the water.  Of course, I banished the thought immediately, but I was stunned that it had ever entered my mind.  I am so grateful to my mom and Magnus for getting me through that time.

Then, after a couple of months, things began to change.  Eian still screamed all the time, and he was still a lot of work.  But something shifted, and I became more myself than I had been before his birth.  It seems trite to say that life actually began then, but in some ways, it really did.  I started writing again.  I took pictures of him and wrote in his baby book.  I went to movies with my sister and read books and magazines.  Life went on, and it went on in a more meaningful, better way.

How did having children change your outlook on life?

No More Sick Days

My mom said that the biggest shock she had about being a new mom was that the baby didn’t seem to understand when she was sick. You can be coughing, sneezing, running a fever, even throwing up, and the baby still wakes up in the night and needs your attention. In fact, if the baby is sick too, then you’re in real trouble.

When I worked outside the home, I was usually loathe to call in sick. I’d have to be pretty ill to make that call. But sometime I did. And then I’d just stay home and wallow in my illness, make myself some tea, stretch out on the couch, and spend the whole day sleeping or watching movies. As with so many pre-baby things, those days are gone.

What are some ways to take care of yourself when you and the baby are both sick?  Well, the first thing you can do is revert back to the days when you had a newborn.  Remember the old adage, “Sleep when the baby sleeps”?  Do that.  Don’t worry about your house or the meals.  Raid your freezer or order a pizza.  Let the dishes pile up or get your husband to do them.  Try to carve out as much time as you can for yourself.

Also, try to take care of your own needs.  Drink liquids.  Take your vitamins.  Eat as well as your freezer or take-out menu allow.  Accept offers of help.  This is the time to appreciate your neighbors when they plow your driveway.  Just wait to make them cookies until you aren’t contagious anymore!

If all else fails (and it might), just take it a day at a time.  In a week or so, everyone will be feeling better, and you’ll have a chance to catch up on that mountain of laundry.

Merry Christmas (Belated)!